It's hot out there...

Whew! It's in the 90s today...very hot. The dogs and I went outside today so I could soak up the warm rays, however after 45 minutes, we came in...look at my poor babies...



Notice the foot spa in the back? I decided I deserved a little pampering so yesterday I had "spa day" after work with mani/pedis. And today....

Ta Da...


I got my hair cut off...seriously like seven inches. It feels so good! I had to take pictures of it all styled before I wash it and can't get it to do anything cute. I'm kinda dissappointed because I really wanted to donate it to Locks for Love, but since I'm going to look for a job and have a wedding and my class reunion coming up...off it goes. Besides it feels so much better in this hot weather. (Just ignore the dark roots...which I really don't understand why their there because I've been darkening my hair...not lightening it.)

Ok what else...I've been organizing my digital scrapbooking stuff in PSE Organizer. I actually moved everything to my EHD because my 40 Gb hard drive was stuffed. Andy just got a new desktop so I took my EHD there and burned all my kits and photos onto DVDs. So much nicer than CD. So I'm properly backed up and hopefully will be organized soon. Whoo hoo!

That's all for now...later gators!

I think I'll be ok...

It's been one week since I found out I was not pregnant...and what a week it was. If you aren't on DST, you wouldn't have heard that on Wednesday I lost my job. It was a mutual decision that I'd give my 2 week notice. I was in sales and I had to come to the realization sales was not for me, as it isn't for many people.

As you can imagine...it's been a tough week. I'm trying to regain my confidence, but fortunately I have been looking for jobs so my resume is out there...I do not doubt I will find something new...and hopefully something I'll love or at least like.

My depression has been horrible, but I'm working with my therapist. I think I'll be ok...

Regardless of my personal strifes, I have still been scrapping...which this blog is all about. I am so excited to be on Tracy Ann's CT. Last week, she released an A to Z album. I admit I've never used quick pages and thought I never would want to. I also always associated these type of albums as something a mom would create for her children. While I do not have children, I do have two loving dogs that I take TONS of photos of. And some of these darling photos never end up in my pages.

So I downloaded the album and started Kelvin and Dakota A to Z. I'm far from done, but you can see it in my DST gallery. Click on my title page below to see the album...check back as more pages are added...I'm lovin' this album!

To purchase this album (or find out how you can get it for FREE) visit Tracy's store here.

What else? Hmmm...Oh! I went to a chat at DST last night and won some awesome kits from Vera Lim! Here are previews of the two kits I picked out:

Aren't they gorgeous? I especially love Shabby Blue on the right.

Well that's all for now. I have a lot going on right now...but I will make it...I will be ok.

No...

Negative...that's the message I heard this morning. I'm devestated.

I do appreciate all your well wishes and prayers. Thank you for all your support.

Should be sleepin...

But I can't...

So it's 2 a.m. and I'm sitting downstairs on my computer.

In about 6 hours I will go to the clinic for my blood test to find out if in fact I am pregnant. I'm so nervous already...mostly because I know that drop in the stomach when the nurse says "no...not this time." I'm dreading those words...I've heard them way too often over the past three years. I'm praying that this time the words will be different and that in nine months I'll be holding our child (or children) in my arms.

With all this struggle that I and so many of my friends have gone through, I'm absolutely amazed when I hear women getting pregnant so easily. Do you know how many things can go wrong? If you're a parent, please, say a prayer for your children...give them an extra hug today...watch them when they think you're not looking and appreciate everything about them (even when they're driving you crazy) Those are true, honest to God miracles you have there. Be proud...be oh so thankful.

Ok...getting emotional again...have a feeling I'll be doing a lot of that tomorrow regardless of the result.

So........

Here are a couple new layouts for you...my first as a Tracy Ann CTM...

Credits: Bustle kit and black and white dotted paper from Figaro by Tracy Ann (available at Sweet Shoppe Designs), font-FG Otto, sketch by Gina Miller

Credits: Figaro kit by Tracy Ann (Sweet Shoppe Designs), note paper by Gina Miller (from Build Your Own Bulletin Board addon kit), font-FG William

As you can see I'm lovin' being on Tracy's Creative Team.

Well I think I'm going to try to sleep now...remember my request and please keep us in your thoughts.

Thank you.

A little tootin'...

I got a little surprise in the form of an e-mail this morning from one of my favorite designers...Tracy Ann Robinson. She asked me to be on her creative team!!!! Whoo hoooo!!!!

When I completely converted to digi scrapping from paper it was Tracy's designs that wowed me. At first I though...how can I give up my beloved paper...well it was easy after seeing Tracy's designs. In fact, Tracy's papers were the first I purchased. Thank you Tracy!

I also want to thank my good friend Stephanie for being such a supportive friend to me during my infertility struggles. Thanks sweetie!!!

And on the pregnancy note...only a couple more days until the truth. I'm very anxious! I've also been experiencing some cramping and I don't know how to take it. Nothing too severe or anything...still. I wish I just knew...or maybe I don't want to know.

Ok...I can tell I have to go to bed. I'm needing my relaxation classical music right now.

Later!

Happy 4th...

one day late....better late than never! (or so my life goes)

I'm feeling really good! I appreciate all the prayers and "baby dust!" I don't know why...I just feel very confident! Each night or whenever I have a quiet moment, I visualize the baby where it would be in my uterus...Now I'm getting close to implantation so I picture my lining accepting the baby and encouraging it to grow into our beautiful child (or children...there were four follicles remember).

It's so hard not to take every feeling in my body as pregnancy symptoms, because really it's only six days past ovulation and my body wouldn't be producing any. What I am feeling (bloating and swollen, painful chest) are from the hormones. My doctor even warned me of that so the only "sign" will be a positive blood test. The waiting is the killer.

How was your Fourth? We had many cookouts and lots of food...I made Gina Miller's fruit pizza (scroll down this link for the recipe). It was a HIT! I used strawberries, blueberries and banana for a festive 4th feel!

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I did do some pages over the long weekend...so for your viewing pleasure (or not, whatever)...

Credits: Little Mai papers by IOD, staple by Kim Christensen, brushes-avh_Winter Grace, filter by Virtual Photographer, font-CK Rennessance

Credits: Boho Chic kit by Michelle Coleman; Florish brushes by Michelle Coleman, font-CK Stylish Black

In God's hands now...

This morning we got up at 5a.m. for our hopefully last IUI. I stayed relaxed and it was actually an enjoyable morning. First we had to go to a hospital 30 minutes away so Andy could leave his...ahem...well ya know. Then we went to breakfast. At 8 a.m. I had a therapy appointment which was a coincidence. She went over some relaxation and opening techniques. It was great! Then we had to go back to the hospital where I had to pick up Andy's ...ya know. I held it in my hand to keep those little guys (or girls) warm, while we drove to another hospital (it was confusing today because of vacations and such). I had my mp3 players filled with relaxing classical music. The actual procedure took only a couple minutes and Andy held my hand the whole time. Then we sat for 15 minutes while I listened to music and pictured the sperm and eggs joining. Then we came home...Andy went to work and I'm laying on my back.

I'm feeling very good and confident this time. I'm going to continue meditating and visualizing. Keep us in your prayers!

And on a digi note...

Credits: Widget papers and collar by Sara Carling; photo turns: from Build Your Own Bullitin Board by Gina Miller

I just love these photos!

My name is Melissa...

And I'm an SVU addict!

I'm serious...I watch Law and Order: SVU every day...and if there's a marathon....clear my calendar! Do I have a problem? And it's only this show...not the regular Law and Order or CI. I think I'll have withdrawls if this show ever goes off the air. My DH just shakes his head and changes the channel...but he has a new computer (a desktop, which stays upstairs) so Benson, Stabler and I have the living room all to ourselves.

More tomorrow...I'll be on my back all afternoon after my IUI. Please, please pray for us! I cannot express how much we want a child. Thank you.

My DH's second favorite part of my cycle...

Giving me my HCG shot 48 hours before IUI. I think he enjoys this a little too much...ouch! His first favorite part? Getting his "numbers" before the actual IUI. *insert eyeroll*

I spoke to my doctors nurse this morning...who, btw, is the sweetest person ever!...and she told me she has a really good feeling this time! I don't know if I've mentioned this before, but Andy and I have a girl name picked out...Maya. (Oh...I just love seeing it!) Well I've been seeing and hearing this everywhere for about a month now. (Spooky...even as I write this...)

I've been exhausted lately though...but I'm letting myself relax. I'm actually loading my mp3 player with tons of my favorite classical music as I write.

I do have a completed scrap page...speaking of my DH...I just love this photo!

Credits: Blue Days papers by Tracy Ann Robinson (Scrapbook Bytes), brushes by Stacy McFadden (available with Tracy Ann's papers at SBB), PhotoBlast filters, based on sketch by Gina Miller.

Friday's the day...

This afternoon I had my follicle check and good news....we have four very good follicles! Three are on the right side and one on the left side. I knew there would be a lot on my right side, as I can feel them. Tonight and tomorrow I have to give myself the last two injections of Follistim, then Andy will give me a shot of HCG on Wednesday...my IUI is scheduled for Friday morning. Everything is looking great! My lining is nice and thick...ready for a baby. The nurse told us there has been many, many successful cycles in the last few weeks...so we're hoping we're the next! We really appreciate all your prayers and well wishes.

Miss Wisconsin was awesome this weekend. I've been going to the shows pretty much every year since 1997, and this was by far the best production. Our new Miss Wisconsin and Miss "States" all over the country will be a part of a reality show this fall, with the finals sometime in January. This new format for the pageant will be interesting. And to dispell the myths that pageant girls are stupid, our new Miss Wisconsin has an undergraduate degree in biomedical engineering and is planning to attend law school after her year. A couple years ago, our Miss Wisconsin was a medical doctor when she competed at Miss America and is now a pediatrician.

I haven't gotten much scrapping done at all! I was hoping to do some tonight, but I have a headache...think it's exhaustion from the long week.

Killer...

So yesterday my day started with a disturbing sight...The dogs woke me up early (and believe me I was tired) so I let them out...after rubbing the sleep out of my eyes, I glanced out of the kitchen window to see the dogs huddled near the corner of fence with a fluffy stuffed animal. (ok...see where I'm going with this)

Only the "fluffy stuffed animal" was moving and letting out tiny squeals. I pounded on the window screaming "NOOOOOO Kelvin, NOOO!" Dakota, the lab, just watched as Kelvin "played" with the terrified bunny. I ran out screaming (note this was 6:30 a.m.) Poor bunny stopped moving and Kelvin hid behind a tree. Dakota nudged it with her nose wondering why it wouldn't play anymore.

By that time, Andy came out of the house and made me go inside. I ran up to our room and shut the door and cried into my pillow...my baby is a killer. About 10 minutes later, Andy came up to assure me it wasn't Bugs Bunny...um yeah...thanks dear.

I couldn't look at my little guy all day...today is a little bit better. But I still won't let him give me kisses.

This week has flown by...my mom is here for Miss Wisconsin and last night was the first show...there is one more night of prelims then Saturday are the finals...you may wonder why I'm so involved. My mom is the director for Miss Marinette...she got into it because I was Miss Northeast Wisconsin and competed for Miss Wisconsin in 1999. No I didn't place or anything, but now I still help out by writing, producing, hosting and performing the Miss Marinette pageant every fall.

I'll leave you with a photo of my pageant days....ahh the memories...


This is the only photo I have on my computer right now, but you should see the color of my hair...I was a redhead while I competed.

Feeling more positive...

Ok...I'm starting to feel better mentally and more positive about everything. Even, dare I say it, excited? I'm really taking care of myself. I'm not letting myself get stressed.

As I said, I gave myself my first injections last night...not a problem. And the restaurant did make me a non-alcoholic drink for my martini and manicure night out with the girls. And it was yummy! It was a fun night...we had about 14 ladies. Fun night...hopefully more to come!

Miss Wisconsin is this week so I'm busy with that. Tonight my mom and I are going to a dinner for the contestants. Tomorrow is the parade and Thursday the show starts. It's a fun week...and I get to dress up and look pretty :D.

Ciao!

Tonight it starts...

After a six month "vacation" from fertility woes, tonight I will start to give myself injections to prepare my body for insemination next week. I'm ready...I hope. So no alcohol, no coffee...but it's worth it...it will be worth it.

This is my second cycle with injectables. At first I was terrified...I hate looking at needles going into skin...so how was I going to stick myself in the stomach? It's really not bad at all. I use a "pen" with really tiny, thin needles. It's so easy. Really.

So this all starts on girls night out...Martinis and Manicures at the local restaurant. So only a manicure for me and hopefully they can make me a yummy non-alcoholic martini!

I'm scared...I'll admit it. This is such a horrible process...no matter what anyone says. You really have to be optimisic, but at the same time you have to protect your heart from dissappointment. Really...it's a loss. For two weeks after the IUI, IVF or whatever, you hope, you believe theres a baby...your baby...your child...you love your child, but then you may learn that your child was never really there in the first place...it's horrible. Infertility sucks! There's no way around it...it just sucks! Simple as that.

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Ok, on to digi news...there's a new chat site...thanks to Shannon! Visit it here DigiShop Talk! So much fun and since its not affiliated with any store there are no rules about posting links and sales. However, I am a little sad about 2peas...so I'm going to let this drama all blow over, then continue to visit. But I have a feeling DigiShopTalk will become a new home!

Ciao ladies!

So my DH may not be a father...

but I made him breakfast in bed this morning anyway!

Yes, that's how sweet I am! :D

Seriously though...my fellow "Friends" fans may remember the adoption episode in the last season where Chandler is trying to convince the girl to give him and Monica their baby? Well, he said something that had me in tears...I still tear up when I think of it. It's what keeps me going...he said (and I'm totally paraphrasing here) "My wife may not have a baby, but she's already a mother." Something like that...I really should find that exact quote...anyone know?

Anyway...it's so true...we don't have a baby...but inside we're really parents. We have changed so much of our lives since we started trying three years ago. Yes, I know there is so much more to parenting that I cannot grasp yet because I haven't gone through it...but I'm ready. My cycle started yesterday. Over the past couple weeks, I switched my coffee to green tea. (And you remember my earlier "Ode to Coffee" entry, you know this is a feat!) I eat Boca brats instead of regular ones. I make myself lettuce wraps instead of a sandwich...I'm watching my carbs. I religiously take my medications, especially my prenatals and my metformin. Since I don't have a baby to take care of...I'm taking the best care of myself so I can have a healthy pregnancy and a healthy life so I can enjoy motherhood to its fullest.

I've been plagued with depression lately...but I'm continuing my medication and trying to reduce stress. I've been doing my yoga and walking.

So this is the beginning of another cycle...the first since November. Since this has become my journal, I plan to write about it here...to get it out...perhaps to educate people who may not fully understand infertility...but mostly to get it out of my head. Since my struggle began, I have three other close friends who have been touched by this issue and many more I've met or heard of from other people. Having a baby is sooo easy for some...but I'm trying to represent those (1 in 6 couples) who have a hard time.

Ok...thanks for letting me get that out. On to scrapping...

I have to TOOT! Digital Memories Magazine has accepted one of my layouts for their summer issue!!! Yea! I'm not quite sure when it'll come out but keep checking...it's a great magazine!!!

I haven't done any shopping lately because I'm trying to use some things I have...but I've been so, so tempted! Did you see some of the new stuff at ScrapArtist? Beautiful!!!

Here are a couple layouts...

Hmm..well it seems I can't upload photos at the moment...I'll try again later.

Have a great Sunday!

Long time no blog...

So it's been awhile since my last entry. Yes, I'm very much alive, but I've been experiencing some horrible pain in my back and neck. I have fibromyalgia and after a long time, it's acting up again. I think I need to go back to the chiropractor...I just need some relief!

So that's why I haven't been around. I did scrap one page however...thank goodness for Gina's sketches. Here's what I did...

Credits: kit-DDE Lucky Star by Gina Cabrera (downloaded from Simple Scrapbooks)

So that's all with me...pain...barely scrapping...hopefully I'll be better soon...I better anyway...next week we begin the next IUI cycle.

Thanks Ange and some new challenges...

I won!

Every week Ange has a contest to win your favorite of her kits and I won her new kit "12" this week! Yea! More goodies...gotta get scrappin!

Ok...since the last 21 day challenge, I admit I haven't totally kept up my end of the bargain...I'm doing better but I really need to MOVE more. So I'm going to do the next 21 day challenge and Sara Carling's Get Healthy Challenge. This week she asked that we complete a layout about self image...and since she was so brave on hers...I'm brave on mine. I listed my weight...not pretty. Also the now photo is not altered or Photoshopped at all. This is painful...but here you go...{notice I used Sara's beautiful Grace kit, available at The Sweet Shoppe}


My goal is to lose 15 pounds by my 10 year class reunion Aug. 11 and 12. Realistic right? I'm continuing with Weight Watchers and trying to adapt healthful habits to help with my PCOS, which is the root of all my problems (weight gain, infertilty...on and on). And since I'm working part time now...I have more time to take care of myself so no excuses for not working out or the very least walking every day.

Of course, everything is null and void, if God decides to bless us with a baby. I probably just jinxed myself...ah...I don't believe in all that anyway.

So here you go...the down and dirty, non-Photoshopped truth. Let's just hope it comes off for good and I won't have to spend so much time fixing my hips and stomach and actually scrapping!

Four years ago today...

I married my best friend and the love of my life!

Credits: Summer Whimsy kit from ScrapArtist, magnetic poetry by e-scrappers.com

Where did the years go? We've been through so much and have so much more to look forward to. Tonight I think we're going to stay in (saving for a house!) and order pizza. (I know soo romantic, but we were in Germany just last week!) I did buy a bottle of wine and I'm in the process of sprucing up the house so we can just enjoy each other...yes, I am a lucky girl!

And with the beginning of June, my appointment as a guest CT member for Gina Miller Designs has come to an end. It was a great month! Gina's designs are beautiful and I really did get a lot done, despite the fact I was away for one week. Here's a collection of my completed layouts...

I'm pretty proud of these. I really think my style is developing...but I'll never stick to one. I change too much. But I do like my double page layouts!

But as a final plug for Gina Miller Designs...be sure to check out her new CD collection-Designer's Studio!

This is 10 gorgeous kits with EVERYTHING!!! It's on sale right now so run (don't walk) and pick this baby up! (Click on the photo for the link!)

Well I have to get ready for dinner with my hubby! Ciao for now!

I've seen beauty...

and now you can too...

Credits: papers-Artlines Blackburn by Tracy Ann Robinson (Scrapbook Bytes), bronze beads from Dots a Fun kit by Cottage Arts; filters-nik Color Efex Pro 2.0 GE (Monday Morning Violet and Graduated Blue)

Obviously I mean the castle...not the layout (but I'm pretty proud of the layout too;))

Germany is one gorgeous country. The history is just amazing and of course, tragic. We saw it all...the 2,000 year old city Kempten, the fairytale castle Neuschwanstein, the famous Marianplatz with the glockenspiel in Munich, but also we toured the memorial of the Dachau concentration camp.

Over the week I'll share more about my trip with photos (or lack of photos in the case of Dachau). I don' want to forget this trip anytime soon! But I'm still pretty tired. Ciao!

Guten Tag...

or is it Guten Nacht? I'm really not sure!

But Germany is a gorgeous place! So full of history that I've never seen before.

I will have a more detailed itinary up this weekend...but my body is telling me it's almost 12:30 a.m. even though the clock tells me I should be eating dinner.

Anyway I did complete one layout on the plane...so I'll leave you with that...

Credits: Get Creative kit by Gina Miller (Scrapbook Bytes) [see link for kit in previous post]; font-Pea Jordan; sketch by Gina Miller

The sun is finally out...

After a week of dreary, cloudy, rainy skies, the sun has finally poked its way through and the sky is a brilliant blue...I hope it stays!

Well I didn't make it past the round 2 of the Ultimate Digi-Scrapper contest. No worries, though. I mean I was a little disappointed when I found out I wasn't going through, but all I wanted when I entered was the make it to round 2 (which I did). And I got almost three pages of good comments on my Round 2 layout...so I really can't complain. So now I'm cheering on the sidelines! I want to publically thank the judges and organizers of this contest and I really hope you do it again next year!

OMG! Did you see Gina's new kit that was released today?

(Click photo to go to store)

So cool! I can't wait to use this one!

I did scrap one page this weekend...

Credits: paper-Delicate Petals from Garden Treasures by Gina Miller; glitter border by Gina Miller; brushes from Distressing kit by Nancie Rowe Janitz; fonts-Arial Narrow and Pea Sara

Yes, that's me! I'm singing Popular from Wicked during the Miss Marinette Area pageant last year. No, not as a contestant (I'm past that!), but as a host and performer. I look forward to it every October!

Are you as excited as I am for Grey's Anatomy tonight? Can you believe the cliffhanger yesterday!? 10 More minutes...