I can't tell you how long I've written and rewritten this blog post in my head.
In 2009, I wrote only five times. After five years of infertility, I finally became a mother (x2!) but as I would sit down to write, my mind would go blank. Even now, I find myself struggling for words.
There's a couple of reasons for this. First, I have infant twins...I'm freaking exhausted and it's amazing I can manage to put a couple words together. Second, it's been a few years since I've really had to put a couple words together, which is sad because at one time writing was my job. My most recent corporate job didn't require stellar writing skills. And when you don't use it, you lose it.
After I became a mom, I wasn't sure what direction I wanted to take this blog. I started it as a way to express myself creatively and share my photography and scrapbooking. Along the way it became a sounding board with my struggle with depression and infertility and included many anecdotes about my fun loving dogs, who kept me sane for so long. The most natural transition, I think, would be to turn this blog over to the antics and milestones of my children. But I'm not going to do that.
Why? The other day I looked in the mirror and didn't recognize the person looking back. A month or so ago, I found myself in a crowd of people and I didn't know how to act. I've been thinking about writing on this blog for months now, but I couldn't come up with words to write.
I think all women feel like they lose themselves a bit when they become mothers, but when you've been trying to become a mother for so many years, it's hard to look back and remember who you were.
But this is a new time...a new and exciting time. So Creative Musings will continue to be my creative musings on life and art and dogs, but will also reflect my new role and journey as a domestically-challenged stay at home mom of multiples. I can't promise great writing, grammar and spelling, but hopefully with a little practice I'll get there.