I don't know if it's my birthday coming up (Sunday) or the fact that after 6 months out of work and I can't get an interview or my stupid knee...but I feel like shit. Of course, since I'm coming out of a depression my first thought was to banish it away, but hey at least I'm feeling something...even if it is like shit.
Creatively I'm in the biggest rut that I can remember. Nothing is coming to me. In all honestly I really think I'm the most creative when depressed. Ironic, isn't it? For someone who defines herself as a creative person, I feel like I'm losing my mind. I feel like a clumsy child trying to cut a straight line for the first time.
Then I turn 29 on Sunday. Yes, I know that's not old. I've never been one to care about aging. It's just that my 20s are almost over and I still don't know what I want to do with my life...well I do, but it just isn't possible right now. There are no jobs out there for someone with my degree or talents. (not that it matters because my creativity's gone anyway). I would love to be a SAHM or a WAHM, but unless we're counting dogs...the person count for 18 and under in the ives household is 0.
Limbo..that's where I am...at a time where I should know or at least have an idea where I'm headed. At least I always thought I would have it figured out by now.
God my 20s are almost over...most of it was in a depressed haze. wow. Of course, I can't look back it's done. There were plenty of great moments to remember too.
I think I do this before my birthday every year..for the past couple anyway. Maybe it has something to do with the fact it's 2 a.m.
If you're still reading this...thanks for listening...I think I'll try going back to bed now...night.